So now you know the story till my visit to the doctor's clinic through my previous chapter. Let me tell you a little more about it. My aunts, my husband and I clung to the hope that when the doctor comes in, she would announce that my cancer was at a very early stage and I had 100% chances of survival. But then, we, as humans, wish for the best scenario.
Doctor comes in and informs me that I had already crossed the first stage and had entered the second one. I asked her about my chances of survival and was informed of a five year survival rate of 86 %. I was told that everything depends upon how my body responds to the chemotherapy. I asked her a few relevant questions and was positive that I belonged to the 86 percent survivor category.
Nothing could make me cry , not until the time I asked about chemotherapy related hair loss.
Would I lose my hair? The answer was obvious "YES".
That did it; I couldn't help the tears after realizing that I will go bald.
Throughout my life I struggled to tame my curls because I rather wanted straight smooth hair. What we possess and what we wish for are not always the same. Now that, I was losing what I had, I never loved it more. I was also informed that I might have to undergo mastectomy.
I was in a woman's worst nightmare!
Breast and hair for us, as ladies, signify womanhood. I would be losing my looks, I felt helpless.
Then began the Chemotherapy! First session went well.
I kept anticipating about the hair fall.
Then came the second Chemo session! I was able to still tie my hair up with no change.
That's when I got this notion in my head "What if my treatment was failing? What if the chemo was not working on my body?” From that second-I started praying, "GOD please make my hair fall". God answered my prayers and within 2 days my hair were everywhere except on my scalp.
I was happy, the treatment was working against cancer. I think that's called ‘the will to survive’. And If I had to choose between my breast and my life, I would have chosen ‘life’ without a second thought. Faced with your worst nightmare, your other problems look trivial.
My husband gave me my first haircut. But within few days there were bald patches and my scalp was sore. Then I decided to go bald. The one to shave my head was my brother, whom I have been real close to my whole life. My cousin and I laughed about it, while shaving it.
When I looked in the mirror for the first time after the shave, gone were the -apprehensions and the traumas of baldness. I told myself that's not even half as bad I have been fretting.
From that day I wore my baldness with pride. After all, I was a fighter, a hero. I had no issues going in front of anyone without my scarf or wig. It's just a part of the treatment phase, plus, how many girls had the chance to admire their symmetrically round head, right?
The reason I am writing the entire article about baldness is, because I have realized one very important thing through my chemo experience and that is "Love yourself, you are beautiful the way God made you". I have always wanted different kind of hair, different size of breast, different color skin but when faced with the prospect of losing it, all I fell in love with myself. I have a petite body, curly hair, dusky skin and there isn't one thing that I would want to change about myself. I pray to God please give me back my curls; I will love them this time around.
In this FB obsessed world, we judge beauty with the parameter of one profile picture. I was the same, but now I know, beauty is not in how you look, but the way you are. I am debuting my chemo pictures and I have never felt surer of my looks.
I have just one message for everyone of you, reading this article, PLEASE BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON YOU KNOW. "There is no point wishing to be like movie stars you never know who they wish they were."
Share my story for you don't know who will look themselves differently in the mirror after reading about it.